Song Lyrics | Snippets

Various wee grabs from songs that always make me smile:

You should never
Hold a candle
If you don't know where it's been.
- Billarickey Dickie, Ian Dury

She takes the Mickey out of all my phobias
Like signing cheques to ward off double pneumonia
Life is a minestrone, served up with parmesan cheese
Death is a cold lasagne suspended in deep freeze
- Life is a Minestrone, 10CC

Wanna tell you a story
'Bout a woman I know
When it comes to lovin'
Oh she steals the show
She ain't exactly pretty
Ain't exactly small
Forty-two, thirty-nine, fifty-six
You could say she's got it all
- Whole Lotta Rosie, AC/DC

Fear me you lord and lady preachers
I descend upon your earth from the skies
I command your very souls you unbelievers
Bring before me what is mine
Can you hear me you peers and privy councillors
I stand before you naked to the eyes
Storm the master marathon I'll fly through
By flash and thunder fire I'll survive
Then I'll defy the laws of nature
And come out alive
Begone with you you shod and shady senators
Give out the good leave out the bad evil cries
I challenge the mighty titan and his troubadours
and with a smile
I'll take you to the seven seas of rhye
- Seven Seas Of Rhye, Queen

Edinburgh Fringe 2006 | Snippets

A little selection of beauties to whet your whistle...

I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.
-- Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms

Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.
-- Jimmy Carr

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.
-- Chris Addison at the Pleasance

My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.
-- Patrick Monahan at the Gilded Balloon

My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night.
-- Susan Murray at the Underbelly

Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter if blind people were given pointed sticks?
-- Adam Bloom at the Pleasance

You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?" And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening... Self-raising?"
-- Addy Van-Der-Borgh at the Assembly Rooms

The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into a bookshop and punched someone in the face.
-- Jeremy Limb, at the Trap

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help".
-- Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the Tron

I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the Girl out of Cork...
-- Markus Birdman at the Pod Deco

Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along. Turned out it was a bloody hoax.
-- Adrian Poynton at the Pleasance

A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber".
-- Steven Alan Green at C34

I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"
-- Norman Lovett at The Stand

It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.
-- Chris Addison at the Pleasance

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.-- Milton Jones at the Underbelly

British comedy eh? Can't beat it. You can buy it though...